Over the years, we have been fortunate to experience endless experiences. We celebrate births, celebrate birthdays, celebrate successes, consecrate marriages and experience hundreds of joys during our lives. However, as we face the natural course of life, losses, goodbyes, and sadness are also inevitable. During these episodes, it is normal to go through a grieving process. In this article, we'll explore what grief is, what are the stages that comprise them, and what you can do if you find yourself in a similar situation.
To begin with, it's important to understand that Grief is the natural emotional and psychological response to a loss which significantly impacts our lives. This reaction can be triggered by the death of a loved one, the breakup of a relationship, the loss of a job, or a terminal or chronic illness. In other words, contrary to what is commonly believed, grief is not only the result of the death of someone close to us, but it can occur even after the end of a friendship.
However, although grief is a highly personal experience that each human being deals with differently, it is common to perceive symptoms such as deep sadness, lack of concentration, intense desire or longing, isolation, loss of purpose, distrust and inability to enjoy life. In addition, these symptoms are accompanied by five stages that are usually experienced during a grief, according to Swiss-American psychiatrist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross:
- Denial: In this early stage, people often struggle to accept the reality of the loss. They may feel overwhelmed by a sense of disbelief, rejection and seek to escape the emotional pain that caused the loss. Believing that our loving partner will return the next day, that they will eventually call us from work, or that our loved one hasn't really died are examples of denial.
- Anger: It's completely normal that, during the grieving process, we feel angry with life, with other people, with ourselves, or even with a person who has died. This is because we feel that it is unfair that this has happened to us. We may come to think that we hate our ex-partner, that our ex-bosses were terrible, or that our higher power doesn't exist.
- Negotiation: In this phase, we seek to come to some kind of agreement or arrangement that will remedy our loss, either through dealings with a higher power or by trying to change aspects of our lives. This is clearly reflected when we use phrases such as “if only...” or “if there were...”, for example, “if I had spent more time with him, maybe this would not have happened”.
- Depression: Experiencing deep sadness is part of the natural grieving process. At this stage, we can feel extremely overwhelmed, hopeless, and purposeless. Thoughts such as “why now”, “I don't know how to go on after this” or “I'm nothing without her” are common.
- Acceptance: After all these steps, we finally come to acceptance, and with it we gain the certainty that we can move forward, rebuild our lives and find a purpose again. We came to the conclusion that the breakup was the best thing for us, that we will be able to find a new job or we are grateful for the time we were able to spend with our loved one.
It is worth mentioning that people who are going through a grief may experience each of these stages or none at all. As we mentioned, grieving is a profoundly personal and different process for everyone, so you don't have to worry about following these phases as if they were instructional steps. It can also happen that they occur in a different order or that the stage is crossed more than once. If you're concerned about your emotional well-being and are grieving, here are some of the things you can do:
- Activate your support network: Sharing your feelings and experiences with friends and family can be comforting and healing. You don't have to go through grief alone.
- Pursue self-care: Take care of your physical and emotional health, and allow yourself to grieve with as much time as you need to heal.
- Perform commemoration or liberation rituals: Celebrating the life and legacy of the lost person or thing through rituals or commemorations can be therapeutic and honor their memory.
- Find other people in similar situations: Support groups, for example, can be a great place to express what you're feeling and connect with others.
- Seek therapy: Consider seeking the help of a specialized therapist.
In Mindsurfing, we can provide you with the support and strategies you need to deal with your emotions in a healthy way.
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