Paint your stripe

Fortunately, conversations about mental health are becoming more and more common. Every day we find posts on social networks that highlight work stress, mental disorders and toxic relationships between couples. Specialized terms such as Gaslight O Grooming they have become so popular that their meaning has begun to blur, to the point where we no longer know what they are and what they are not. The same has happened with the concept of “limits”, which seem like they can be anything: from stopping working at your set time to controlling what your partner wears.

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But then what is a limit? And above all, what is a healthy limit? Boundaries are invisible boundaries that protect your physical and mental space. You can imagine them as fences that you place around a garden to safeguard it from someone who didn't receive an invitation from entering. In this sense, you can set time, personal space, sexual, moral, ethical, financial, work and emotional limits. These are meant to keep you from uncomfortable situations and things you don't really want to do. Practically, you can set limits on all aspects of your life, as long as they involve you and your actions.

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A very common mistake in conceptualizing limits is to believe that they can be imposed on other people's behaviors. Of course, you can build as many fences as you want on your property, but you can't expect to install a fence in foreign territory and expect the owner to not remove or modify it to their liking. It is essential to understand that there is a great Difference between a limit and an agreement. Both are made to protect the people who establish them, the difference is that some depend solely on you and the others require the efforts of all the people involved.

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You can set boundaries with your family, friends, partner, co-workers and even strangers just by uttering a few words. In the end, as with many things, it's all about communication. A simple “no”, for example, can be enough to mark your limit. But the clearer it is, the better. To start building your fences, you can start by reflecting on things that stress you out, make you uncomfortable, take away your energy, or make you very tired. On the other hand, it's important to contemplate the things that excite you, give you security, or make you feel valued. Once you have a list of all of these things in mind, you can try to verbalize your limits.

Here are some examples of how to communicate your limits:

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Boundary type: Time

Verbalization:“I can only stay an hour.”

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Boundary type: Personal space

Verbalization: “It makes me uncomfortable that you approach me like that. Please respect my personal space or I'll have to leave.”

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Boundary type : Sexual

Verbalization: “Please don't touch this part of my body.”

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Boundary type : Financial

Verbalization: “I can't lend you money, it's not within my means.”

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Boundary type : Work

Verbalization: “My working hour is over and I can't stay longer.”

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Boundary type : Emotional

Verbalization: “I understand that you're going through a difficult time, but right now I don't have the emotional capacity to help you.”

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Other statements such as “I don't think that kind of comment is funny” O “that's not a topic I want to discuss right now” they can also be used to set your limits. You may have to repeat your verbalisation more than once because people aren't used to listening. “no”, but you don't need to explain or apologize. When you're starting out, it's probably hard for you to clarify your boundaries out of pain, fear, or because you feel like you're not being kind. Don't be discouraged, This is a gradual process. With practice, it will become easier for you and you will feel better in general.

Setting clear boundaries will help you prioritize your well-being, gain confidence and strengthen your self-esteem. People with unhealthy boundaries tend to let others take advantage of them without realizing it, to work their way up to Burnout, to develop resentments, to have unhealthy relationships and to lose their identity because of the need to please those around them. Out of guilt and obligation, many people allow things that compromise their physical, mental and financial stability.

Knowing how to identify what you don't like, what situations you prefer to avoid, what you are willing to do and what is not essential for self-knowledge. In addition, building your imaginary fence is a great way to take care of yourself, pamper yourself and show respect. Ultimately, setting boundaries is the greatest expression of self-love, prioritizing your happiness and peace of mind.

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In Mindsurfing, we want you to find fulfillment and to have the necessary tools to achieve emotional well-being. In our app you will find support groups, personalized plans, psychological therapy and more tools that will help you set healthy and useful boundaries.