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Once upon a time there was an idea. A notion that announces the rooftops with optimism and enthusiasm “You'll find your ideal partner!”. A concept that ensures that each of the eight billion inhabitants of the Earth are destined to find a person who will complement them, who will fit them like pieces of a puzzle, whose love will be unconditional and who will be by their side forever and ever. And we all, at some time or another, buy into this incredible fantasy that, despite the years that have passed, still remains in us to a certain extent.
Where did it come from? How is it possible that this simple idea germinated in the minds of millions of people? Who came up with it? Your soul mate, your better half, the love of your life, The One, and a thousand other names have taken up this concept in history, transforming and adjusting the details of its narrative according to the culture in which it tried to plant its roots. Plato, for example, believed that Zeus himself had cursed humanity by dividing its soul in two and condemning us to seek our other half until we could finally become one. In China, on the other hand, the belief emerged that a red thread, made by fate and tied to our ankle, would guide us through our lives to ensure that we would find our ideal partner at the other end of the thread. Jewish culture, on the other hand, created the word Beshert to refer to the soul mate that, inevitably, we will find.
Regardless of culture, the concept of the ideal partner has leaked into an enormous amount of books, movies, songs, advertisements and, practically, any type of content. From our earliest childhood, the phrases “Prince Charming” And “true love” began to form our concept of love, through Disney movies. Later on, romantic comedies replaced princesses, and we continued to build brick by brick our vision of the ideal couple with films like Diary of a Passion, Really love And Dear John. Thus, little by little we were creating expectations of what our love life would be like in the future.
When we grew up we realized that things like “love at first sight”, were not as true as the media had led us to believe. Maybe it was a Crush who never listened to us, a first broken heart or simply that The One didn't seem to be in sight, but the belief that there was a perfect person for us began to fall apart. However, some of the fragments are still ingrained in us and were transformed into feelings of insecurity and frustration at not finding a partner, into unattainable requirements compiled in eternal lists of what we are looking for in a person and, eventually, in fights with our partners caused by the failure to meet unrealistic expectations. Anxiety, depression, and toxic relationships are no stranger to the idealized notion of love that culture created.
At this point in your life, you probably know: Soulmates don't exist. Every human being is a complete person, with a complete soul and a life of their own that is not intrinsically linked to that of another. But that doesn't mean we're doomed to a life of loneliness. Orange halves may not exist, but healthy relationships characterized by love, respect and empathy definitely exist. However, to find them, we must be able to deconstruct everything we have learned from romantic relationships and acquire new understandings of what we want in a relationship. Getting rid of our unrealistic expectations and replacing them with reasonable and feasible notions is essential.
In the end, it's not about finding the perfect person at the perfect time ——human beings are imperfect beings in constant evolution and change——, it's about finding a person who is appropriate for your lifestyle, who loves and respects you. Be careful, finding her doesn't mean finding your happily ever after. Unlike fantastic relationships in movies, real-life relationships require effort, dedication, and communication. Relationships aren't built overnight and love isn't born at first sight. Partner love grows gradually over time and changes according to circumstances. Life is full of ups and downs, not every day will be happy. Some days will be more complicated than others, but with communication and empathy you can get to the next happy day. Besides, the end of a relationship isn't the end of the world. People change and so do relationships, ending them isn't a failure; it's the natural course of life.
In Mindsurf, we think it's time to turn romantic love around. This change will not happen in an instant, but will require the efforts of all of us. If you struggle with jealousy, anxiety or depression stemming from the fragmentation of the idea of love that you once thought of, come with us. Together we will find the tools you need to build healthy bonds, far from the toxicities of ideal love.
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