What breaks when they break our hearts?

When they break our hearts, Is it really that chest muscle that breaks? We tell you about the effects that ruptures have on our brain functioning, their consequences and how to make this grieving process more bearable.

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In the beginning, everything is beautiful. Butterflies fly around us and make our interior their home. Cloudy days become sunny and the streets fill with music as we walk hand in hand with a new love. Our lives are filled with beauty and every little detail that crosses our path seems extraordinary. However, little by little the routine begins to displace the novelty and problems begin to appear under the rug. Without realizing it, a relationship that seemed perfect at the beginning takes a 180º turn and, out of nowhere, everything ends. We are left with only memories of past times and an enormous emptiness in our hearts... or in our minds?

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If you've experienced a breakup or divorce, you know: Cutting doesn't feel good at all. Although it may seem like a temporary state of mind, our brains interpret emotional pain as physical pain, to the extent that there are certain common symptoms among people going through a breakup. During this period it is common to have sleeping problems, difficulty controlling our behavior, changes in our eating habits, tiredness, problems concentrating, wanting to isolate ourselves, weight gain, headaches or stomach aches, and feelings of anxiety, panic and demotivation.

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But, Why is this happening? When we're in love, our brain secretes a super strong chemical cocktail: oxytocin (the love hormone), dopamine (the neurotransmitter of joy) and serotonin (the hormone of happiness). These are the substances that make us see the world rose-colored when we are with that new person. Our head gets so used to these hormones and neurotransmitters that, when we cut, we go into withdrawal syndrome. Strangely enough, the production of dopamine is related to both drug use and the early stages of falling in love. In addition, during a relationship our brain creates neural connections associated with our partner, we get used to them and, as routine beings, we expect to see, hear, smell and touch them. As if that weren't enough, the levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) rise considerably.

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All these factors are intertwined in our body when we go through a breakup and cause us to have an enormous need to reconnect with our exes. Our brain is desperate to replace the chemicals it is no longer receiving to end the withdrawal syndrome. The part of our mind in which our partner lived through neural connections becomes inflamed trying to see it, hear it, smell it and touch it again. We went in in a stage of limbic system hyperactivity associated with depression. In short, our body is crying out for us to come back.

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This is why, after a few weeks, a few days, or even a few hours after cutting, many couples return. The need to feel the effects of this drug called “love” again is so great that we relapse. This is also the reason why many people become obsessed with their ex-partner and try to restore the relationship in inappropriate ways, sending long text messages, showing up in places without warning or sending unexpected gifts. Even some people become so physically dependent on the substances and feelings of infatuation that cutting and returning becomes a vicious cycle.

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So that this does not happen to you, and so that the symptoms of the breakup are not so heavy on you, we have some Tips for you:

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1. Exercise: Running, walking, going to the gym, taking a yoga class, swimming or doing any type of exercise ——besides helping you not to think so much about your ex-partner—— it will help you combat the chemical imbalance in your head by making the dopamine flow.
2. Take a deep breath: Performing breathing exercises will help you reduce stress caused by cortisol secretion and anxiety. This is a great way to exercise your vagus nerve, responsible for controlling your stress levels.
3. Avoid painful memories: Photos, gifts, and all the little things that remind you of your ex can awaken your need to secrete dopamine and increase withdrawal syndrome. We recommend that you hide or get rid of all these objects to avoid these sensations.
4. Self-care, self-care, self-care: Give yourself time to process your emotions, eat healthy, drink water, prioritize your sleep and do your favorite activities. If you stay healthy and pamper yourself, your body will slowly return to its natural state.
5. Seek help: Activating your support network and getting support from friends and family can help improve your mood. Talking to a mental health professional can also be very helpful in restoring your general well-being.

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Get closer to Mindsurfing. In our application you will find meditation and breathing exercises, as well as individual psychological therapy and different programs that could help you get out of this difficult time.

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^Sources:

--> ^{https://www.cbc.ca/life/wellness}

--> ^{https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog}

--> ^{https://www.relationshipsvictoria.org.au/news}

--> ^{https://www.amenclinics.com/blog}